The Problem With Reasons.

(read the beginning of this journey, here)

Here is the thing.

Since God pulled up our roots, dug new soil and set us down in the place with our name on it, we have encountered many perspectives.

Some have cried with us, and given their blessing,

Some have expressed their opinion on why they disagree,

Some have listed the reasons they think its a good idea,

And some have given us reasons why they don't...

Overwhelmingly though, most have asked, "why".

It is hard for us to answer with human reasons, why we are following a God-size dream... all of our rational, all of our logic, all of our purposes fall short when compared to the enormity of the tapestry He is weaving. We are convinced we are only a few threads, hopefully bright ones, being gingerly woven into something bigger.

And in our weaker moments, we assign motives to our decision, explaining away something that at its core has no explanation (at least not from us). And when we do that, at least when I do that, I feel like I am finger painting on something sacred... covering a masterpiece with thumbprints and smudges.

Because our "reasons", they lack the makings of a sound decision... engaging our toughest critics and hurting our biggest advocates and friends. And God's kingdom has no room for that.

He paid the ultimate price for our FREEDOM. and that deflates our "reasons" and gives fuel to our dreams and callings. Because it always was and still is all about one thing, His Glory... His majesty, His dominion, His Kingdom here on earth.

And just when I thought this journey would get easier, it proves to remain a challenge. I am faced with the depth of my own insecurity as I venture to establish new relationships. I am rattled by the death of a loved one, and I long to run full steam back to all that is familiar. I fear letting my true self show... because, hey, what if they don't like me?

And yet the still small voice of the One we follow is there, when I want to turn around, a gentle hand on the small of my back, urging, pushing, guiding, "Don't turn back, I will equip you for every good work I have called you to accomplish. Don't be ashamed of who you are in me. Don't let fear of the unknown keep you from making eye contact with strangers. Rest in me and lean into the discomfort of these days."

And so we do.

And then we are met with His unfailing presence.

And we invite those someday friends to dine with us, confessing our nerves before they arrive. Hoping they will like who we are and what we are about. We usher them in and nerves diminish, replaced with easy conversation.

And all the while I cannot help but think that "someday" is closer than we thought.